I recently told someone that I had a crush on them. It was a big risk, especially since I really like hanging out with this person and changing that friendly dynamic was likely. Anyway, I realized about 24 hours later that it wasn’t an actual crush. It was a friend crush.
A few weeks ago I met a girl at a bar. We chatted a bit and even added each other on Facebook (I know, a huge deal) and said that eventually we’d have to get drinks again. It struck me as funny because it was like a “pick up” – chatting, laughing, getting contact info, making plans to see each other again. I even contacted her about getting together and called it a “lady date.” And no, I haven’t switched teams… but I think I have another friend crush.
I’ve asked a few people about this phenomenon. I know I’ve had this kind of “crush” before, but I wondered if I was the only one who had them. By my definition, a friend crush is when you like hanging out with someone and want to see more of them – all on a platonic level. You can have friend crushes on anyone, but it can get confusing when it’s on someone of the gender to which you are attracted. A friend crush can easily be confused as a romantic crush. Which is I think what happened to me with my previously mentioned friend… oops.
And just like regular crushes, friend crushes can get awkward or weird if you let them. In my case, I come off as overeager. What can I say? When I get along with someone, I want to see more of them… sheesh.
Friend crushes are more prevalent with adults because we don’t make friends the way we used to. Once you leave school – the main catalyst for friend making – it gets harder to make friends. Most people establish friendships before entering the so-called “real world” and maintain those friendships throughout adulthood (or so I’ve been told). The workplace is also a possible friend pool, but I’ve worked jobs where I didn’t want to spend an extra second with anyone there so that’s no guarantee. And unfortunately, I am not in school and I’m still without a job. So where do I meet new friends in this new city? Bars? I guess so.
I’m a pretty independent person and I can entertain myself quite well. I’m not afraid to go out alone and I am content spending lots of time with just me. However, I think the desire to connect with others is in us all (unless you’re a sociopath). I know this is why I’ve done the online dating thing… and why I am developing friend crushes. We want people to “get” us. I want someone to “get” me. I want someone I can call up and say, “Hey, wanna go see Chuck Klosterman in Brooklyn?” and they’ll say, “Hell yeah.” Or, “I’m going to go walk around in Central Park, wanna join?” and they’ll say, “Sounds awesome.” And none of this has to be in a romantic sense (I mean, how romantic can Chuck be?)… sometimes it’s good enough to just sit around and talk to someone about a shared music taste.
So if I get a friend crush on you I will do my best not to seem too overeager. But you should just go with it… I’m an awesome friend.
Blog song title: “Like a Friend” by Pulp