I got dumped last night.
We’d only been together for a few short months, but he was amazing. We were amazing. Sure, we had some troubles – nothing is perfect. But he made me happy… happier than I have been in a long time.
I’m not going to get into the details… the whys, the hows. I’ll just say that it was pretty amicable. It was less a break up and more a parting of ways. And only when I hugged him as we said goodbye did I realize it was over. That was when the tears came.
I have to tell you, walking 4 blocks down 14th Street in New York while crying is a pretty surreal feeling. Or maybe just the fact that this relationship that made me so happy was over was the surreal part. But as I walked, and cried, I had about a million thoughts go through my head.
I wasn’t angry – how could I be? He didn’t do anything bad. I was filled with regret. What could I have said? What could I have done? And then I started to think about all the things we never did together… we didn’t watch Star Wars, we didn’t play softball, we didn’t take a trip, we didn’t go dancing, we didn’t spend the whole weekend just lost in bed and each other.
Right now I’m missing this incredible person that I got to know and adore the last few months. It hasn’t been 24 hours but I miss him. I miss seeing him. I miss having drinks with him. I miss riding the subway with him and playing 2048 on my phone to make the ride go faster. I miss talking to him about baseball and New York and surfers vs. snowboarders and Taco Bell and basketball standings and Star Wars theories and female street harassment and Batman/Superman theories and music and California and writing and sex and people and dogs and whatever the fuck else we want to talk about. He’s been my favorite person to be around these past few months. And he’s the only one I want to talk to about this.
I’ve had this incredible urge to fight for him. I want to demand that he give us another chance. Neither of us did anything wrong. Our relationship wasn’t broken. He just had doubts and I have to respect that. I’m reminded of that old “if you love someone, set them free” saying. Now I never threw the L word out there with him, but I think the concept applies here. As much as it hurts, I have to let him go.
Blog song title: That stupid Sugar Ray song… and I don’t feel like looking it up… forgive me.