I mentioned previously that I think I know what I want when it comes to dating. I say that I think I know because it changes a bit day to day. Overall, I know I want a connection… I want to be close to someone and I want someone to be close to me. Being ready for this, however, is a whole different story.
A few weeks back I met a guy on the street… literally. His name was Mike and he was drunk and adorable and aggressively (in a cute way) hitting on me. I gave him my number and headed home. He texted me immediately and wanted to see me. He was in town for the weekend (from California- ha) so I said what the hell. He came over and we started fooling around. Mid-makeout he stopped and asked me if I believed in love. It was asked out of pure curiosity… but I couldn’t help but be thrown. Suddenly I found myself choking back tears. I really didn’t know what to say. Love has evaded me for quite some time and I felt my pessimism creeping in at this moment. He saw this and declared that believing in love is the most important thing. We ended up laying there and having a really fantastic and honest talk about love.
As I walked him to the train, I told him how glad I was that I met him. He returned the sentiment and asked if we could stay in touch. And we have- just sending encouraging text messages to each other from time to time. It’s nice to have someone out there in the universe who is rooting for me to root for love.
Also, throughout this process (the process being me moving on from a broken heart and figuring out what I want) I met someone through a friend who has been a surprising and positive force in my life. We’ve only hung out a couple of times, but he’s had quite the impact on me. He’s always building me up and reminding me that I’m an interesting person. He encourages me… not just to find love, but also to make something of this writing thing. The last time I saw him, I made sure to tell him how grateful I was for his friendship.
For some reason, when I think about these people and their kindnesses… I get a bit misty. I’d like to think that the love coming my way is so wonderful that I’m overwhelmed with emotion… but it’s more that I feel uncomfortable and somehow undeserving of this positivity. It’s strange- I’m a pretty confident gal. I know what I have to offer… and yet, I’ve gotten into a habit of finding men who are only interested in one thing (what am I? 16?)… so when I’m around these guys who genuinely care about what I have to say, I’m a bit out of my element. Like, oh yeah… remember how awesome I am? Well, other people are seeing it too…
Look, I know I’m a damn mess… and having these guys in my life is not just a reminder to me that there are actually good guys in the world… but that I’m worth all the love they are willing to give.
Blog song title: “I Go to the Barn Because I Like The” by Band of Horses