I don’t want to get married.
I’m not in a relationship at the moment… not even seeing someone… this is just a general statement. And it doesn’t come from a bitter “I’m single” place either. I never want to get married… and I’m pretty sure I never wanted to.
This isn’t because I don’t believe in love. I totally believe in love. I’ve been in love. But I just don’t know if I believe in the lasting power of marriage. Or relationships. Yeah, here’s where I start sounding bitter. But here’s the thing, I really don’t feel bitter. I just feel realistic. For me.
Recently, I had a conversation with a couple of friends about relationships and dating and someone misunderstood me when I talked about what I wanted (this seems to happen to me frequently). If I really sat and thought about spending all of my time with one person, it sounds fine… to a point… but it’s been my experience that feelings fade and change and shift… and it’s heartbreaking for one or both parties. Yes, I know that sounds pessimistic. So here’s what I told them I was looking for: I want someone who wants me.
I mean, who doesn’t want to be chosen? Who doesn’t want to be wanted? It’s a great feeling. Out of all the people in the world, someone is choosing YOU to spend their time with. Sounds fantastic. Beyond that, I don’t know what I want. Isn’t it enough to feel “chosen?”
Sure, the idea of someone choosing me forever sounds romantic enough… but I don’t know how I feel about that… because conversely, I don’t know if I could choose someone else for forever. And that’s really what this all boils down to… that I don’t think I’m capable of the long term. Sure, I can easily get caught up in my own feelings… but eventually, my intellect takes over and I come back down to earth.
And besides, why is this something I have to want? Why do I have to play by the RomCom rules? Why can’t I feel the way I want to feel without others inserting their incorrect opinions where they don’t belong?
(Side note: If there’s one thing I absolutely hate in this world, it’s someone telling me what I’m feeling… even if it comes from a good place. I’m sorry, but since when were you a mind reader? It just reinforces the idea that, while I may seem like an open book, there are very few people on this planet that know the real me.)
Look, I’m still open to possibility. I don’t look at every guy as the potential be-all and end-all of relationships… and nobody wants to get hurt (with every wound, I close off just a bit more)… but I am still open… I just don’t feel the need to want what others tell me I should want.
And right now, I don’t want to get married.
Blog song title: ” Marry Song” by Band of Horses