Who has to know…

I’ve got a secret… well, I have a few. And this is a new concept to me.

As you can tell by my writing, I don’t have a problem sharing my innermost thoughts and feelings. I am like this in person too. I don’t hold back… if something is going on or if I feel a certain way, you are going to know it. I’ve always been something of an open book… but I’ve decided that maybe it’s time to close the cover for a while.

Recently, I was kind of seeing someone. We kept it quiet and it was nice… really nice. I liked having something special to myself. But then I got super excited about the whole thing and started spilling the beans to friends and even family… and then the whole thing got away from me. I still have no idea what really happened there, but I wish I had kept it all to myself… not that things would have gone differently, but then I wouldn’t have to deal with explaining things (that shouldn’t need explaining) to those around me. And maybe, just maybe, I could have kept my emotions in check.

I’m a pretty insecure person… and while I say that I don’t care what other people think… I clearly do. I feel hurt when judged and I put too much weight into the opinions of others. Like a terrible seed, these opinions get planted in my brain and then I can’t shake them. I end up over-analyzing things… and I lose my head. And more importantly, I lose my nerve.

I know me the best. I know what I want (or really, I know what I don’t want). And it’s time for me to trust that… and to do that, I’m going to start keeping some things to myself.

 

Blog song title: “Dirty Little Secret” by The All-American Rejects

About Quincey Trigillo

A little over three years ago, I moved from the confines of Orange County, California to take a bite out of the Big Apple. Every day is an adventure and this is where I will attempt to write about it all. I love sports and Star Wars and Doctor Who and rock music and New York and traveling and being outdoors... and other stuff. View all posts by Quincey Trigillo

One response to “Who has to know…

  • mommamack16

    Funny you should mention this…I think we are a lot alike on the “I’m an open book but you can really hurt my feelings sometimes so you know what kiss my butt and I’m not telling you stuff anymore” kind of feeling about stuff! 🙂 Love ya!

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