So when I was a kid I wasn’t really afraid of much… except for the dark. I remember playing outside… picking up worms and hanging upside down from the monkey bars and riding my bike without holding onto the handlebars. I remember swinging as high as I could on the swings and jumping off.
On a recent trip to the park with my niece and nephew, I found myself on the swings and felt an exhilaration that I hadn’t felt in a long time as I got higher and higher… I had almost forgotten how much fun the swings were. Simple fun. BUT I couldn’t bring myself to jump… I hesitated… I thought too much about it. I eventually slowed my momentum and stepped off the swing.
SO as I am apt to do these days, I started thinking about my childhood (What? I’m jobless and in the middle of a major transition… you’d be thinking about this crap too…. don’t judge me).
I had some big goals when I was a kid. I was going to be a scientist… and an actress. I was going to travel the world. I was going to write a book. I was going to marry Christian Bale (not the American Psycho/Batman Christian Bale, but the Newsies/Swing Kids Christian Bale). I was going to have long blonde hair like Kelly from 90210. There was nothing complicated about these dreams. I didn’t over-think them… I just jumped wholeheartedly into believing they would happen. However, aside from a brief blonde stint in my mid-20s (yes, there are pictures… somewhere), none of these things came to be.
But…instead of being really depressed about not realizing my childhood dreams (even though cynicism is SO much easier), I’ll think about the reasons I decided to leave an entire life behind in California – to set NEW goals and have NEW dreams and actually have the balls to PURSUE those dreams.
I keep finding myself looking at the picture of my feet in the air. I wish I had jumped. It wouldn’t have mattered if I fell… what’s the worst that would have happened? I would have gotten sand everywhere? I might have been bruised and sore for a couple of days? So what? At least I would have jumped.
Photo credit: me… with my iPhone
Blog title song: “Que Sera Sera” by Doris Day